


scattered memories

by MarbledOpalescence



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Memory Weirdness, Other, Surreal, THEIA typical mind fucky-ness, dreamlike narrative, end of season two spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:15:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22504639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarbledOpalescence/pseuds/MarbledOpalescence
Summary: Ever since the THEIA tower, Juno's dreams have been a scattered mix of memories. It's hard sometimes to tell what happened and what didn't, anymore.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel, Rita & Juno Steel
Comments: 10
Kudos: 86
Collections: Penumbra Podcast Gift Exchange





	scattered memories

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lopsided_Nebula](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lopsided_Nebula/gifts).



> This one was a lot of fun to write!! I hope you enjoy it <3

Juno wakes up in the morning, still in the bed he’d been in last night. He hears a sigh and a soft noise of shifting sheets and rolls over to see Peter Nureyev lying next to him. His hair is tousled and spread like a fan of silk on the pillow underneath his head, his face calm and relaxed in sleep, and Juno feels his heart aching. He reaches out and touches Nureyev’s face lightly, and Nureyev stirs under the touch. He opens his eyes, and when his gaze focuses on Juno a smile spreads slowly across his face. 

“You  _ stayed _ ,” he breathes, and Juno smiles crookedly back.

“Why wouldn’t I?” he snarks, “What, Nureyev, you really think you can’t keep a lady longer than one night?”

Nureyev chuckles at that, a low sound that makes Juno’s heart skip a beat, and pushes himself up on one arm, leaning over Juno.

“Maybe I respect a lady’s right to choose how long he stays,” he says, smiling fondly down at Juno, “And maybe I’m glad that this lady stayed here with me.”

He leans down and kisses Juno softly, pulling back in a moment to smile again before Juno hooks his arms around his neck and pulls Nureyev back down.

_ The day passes in a blur, but Juno feels off. Something isn’t right, he thinks as Mars pulls away in the view outside the shuttle window. Nureyev smiles at him and squeezes his hand reassuringly, but Juno is sick to his stomach. Something is very wrong and he doesn’t know what, so he excuses himself and seeks the solitude of the shuttle rest room. He splashes some water on his face, and stares at himself in the mirror. He looks exhausted, he thinks, big dark circles under both eyes- no,  _ _ eye _ _. _

_ No,  _ **_eyes_ ** _. He is looking at himself with one real eye and one fake. He feels a sharp pain from the right one and clutches his head. There’s a pounding in his head, his ears are ringing, and everything is turning to static. _

~~_ This isn’t right, it can’t be right, this isn’t how the next day happened. He left in the night and called Rita in the morning, and she screamed and told him, “You can’t just keep running off like that, Mistah Steel, or else what’s poor old Rita going to think, huh? And-” _ ~~

_ He can’t see, he can’t breathe, he can’t- _

A popper goes off and Juno jumps. Someone laughs at him and he turns to see Benzaiten, perched on the back of the couch. 

“Jumpy today, eh Supersteel? That HCPD can’t be good for you if you’re jumping at party crackers!”

Juno scoffs and shoves Ben, who tumbles onto the cushions with a squawk. He surfaces with a pillow in hand and proceeds to smack Juno over the head. Juno launches himself at Ben and they wrestle for a few moments, cheered on by Mick, Sasha, and Annie, until it ends with Juno straddling Ben’s torso, effectively pinning him to the ground, both of them breathless with laughter. There is an insistent knock at the door, loud enough to startle Juno just enough that Ben is able to kick him off and bound away, calling, “I’ll get it!” over his shoulder. As he moves, his loose top slips just enough off his shoulder to reveal the scar high on his chest, old enough now to not be the same inflamed red that it was for a year after it happened. Juno swallows hard at the sight; it’s a visceral reminder of how close he came to being the broken half of an unmatched set. But Benten hasn’t left him, he’s still  _ here _ , and-

Juno’s train of thought is derailed before it can go any farther by the return of Ben. He is followed by a small woman with big hair, a loud voice, and lots of brightly colored clothes, who launches herself at him and wraps him in a surprisingly tight hug.

“Mistah Steel, hiiiii!!! I met the other Mistah Steel now, he’s real nice, and boy the two of you look really similar, huh!!”

“Yeah, Rita, that happens with twins,” he says, fighting down a smile, then grunts when she squeezes tighter. “Rita! Personal space!”

“Oh! Right, sorry Mistah Steel,” she says sheepishly, sitting back on her knees again and letting him pull himself up to a more upright position again. 

“Everyone,” Juno sighs, gesturing to Rita, “This is my secretary, Rita-”

“Just Rita’s good!” she chirps, waving at everybody, then claps her hands to her head where they disappear into the mass of hair, as she shrieks again. “Oh!! I almost forgot!!! I brought  _ snacks _ !” She jumps to her feet and starts rummaging around in the large bag she brought with her, startling a laugh out of everyone in the room. Juno laughs too, but it feels slightly hollow. His headache is back too, and he shakes his head, trying to shake away the pain, but it doesn’t help.

_ The party moves on and Juno tries to keep up, but his headache gets worse. He feels dizzy and has to go somewhere quiet for a while. The others look disappointed, but he can hear them start laughing again even as he’s leaving the room. _

~~_ This isn’t  _ **_right,_ ** _ something inside him is screaming. You spent this birthday alone, your only company the liquor bottles lining the desk. Sasha was gone, Annie was gone, Rita hadn’t known, and Ben was  _ **_dead_ ** _. None of that had happened, could have happened. _ ~~

_ He’s lying down in his bed now, and it isn’t helping. It’s dark in here, but he can still hear the people laughing in the other room. He puts a pillow over his head, but it still doesn’t help. The laughing seems like it’s echoing in his head, growing louder and louder, changing from a boisterous joy to something harsher, more mocking. It goes around and around in his head, even as he presses the pillow tighter against himself. It’s so dark that sparks are dancing across his vision, the pillow is making it hard to breathe, and the laughter is still too  _ **_loud_ ** _ , and- _

Juno blinks against the seemingly sudden brightness as the laughter of the crowd falls away when Ramses gestures for quiet. 

“Thank you all for coming,” he says, his voice as hoarse as always, “I know there are many things you’d rather be doing on a fine day like this-” he pauses again for the small wave of chuckles that passes through the crowd- “But I’m glad you all seem to agree with me that some things are worth committing your time to! I have with me today someone who, I feel, exemplifies this ideal extremely well.” Ramses gestures to Juno and he steps forward, head spinning slightly from the weight of all those eyes upon him. He can feel their gaze, and it makes the THEIA ache slightly.

“Juno Steel has worked tirelessly as my right hand man these past few months, working with me to expose the depths of corruption that the Hyperion mayoral government had sunk to! Thanks to his help, we exposed the treacherous Pilot Pereyra for the corrupt and careless politician they were, and because of this, Hyperion City is poised at the beginning of a brand new era!”

He pulls a medal out from a box at his podium and drapes it around Juno’s neck, then clasps his shoulder and turns back out towards the crowd.

“Give him a hand, eh?”

The crowd goes wild. The cheering and clapping reaches cacophonous heights and Juno feels dizzy from the overwhelming noise of it all. The THEIA is aching, he can feel the pain burrowing back into his skull from his eye, but Ramses is smiling at him. Ramses is smiling at him and Juno feels sick.

“We did it, my boy, well done. You and me to the end of the line, eh?” He pats Juno’s shoulder before releasing it and stepping closer. “Partners in good.”

_ Juno can barely hear Ramses over the roar of the crowd anymore, but he heard a shift in his voice. It pitched higher, into a voice that Juno only half remembered anymore these days.  _

_ “Partners in good, Juno!” “Partners in good, eh?” “You and me, partners in good!” _

_ It echoes in his head, drowning out even the roaring of the crowd. Ramses’ face swims in front of him, seemingly overlaid with another one. A face that Juno hasn’t seen for years... He feels sick and has to close his eyes.  _

~~_ This isn’t right, he knows this somewhere deep inside of himself. By the time Pilot was dead, Juno knew not to trust Ramses, so why was he standing here in front of a crowd. Ramses had never given him a medal, Ramses was  _ **_dead_ ** _ and Oldtown was  _ **_gone_ ** _ and he’d taken out the THEIA months ago, so why was it still in his head? This isn’t right, this isn’t real, this isn’t- _ ~~

_ The THEIA is pounding in his head now, and he feels like his head is going to split open- _

Juno wakes up. He’s in his old familiar bed, in his old familiar room, with an old familiar headache once again. He hears someone in the kitchen and stumbles out of bed, hoping that they might take pity on him and make coffee.

He lurches through the doorway and deposits himself in a chair at the counter, screwing his eyes shut tight against the light.

“Good morning, darling!” Peter Nureyev sings from where he stands at the stove, cooking what smells to Juno like an omelet, “Sleep well?”

Juno grunts noncommittally and Nureyev laughs. He dishes up a plate and slides it in front of Juno, pressing a kiss to his temple as he does so, then glides over to the sink to start washing some of the dirty dishes, humming while he does so. It’s a tuneless drone that presses against the base of Juno’s skull, but he ignores it. The omelet smells delicious and familiar and just like home.

“This smells just like-”

“The ones I always used to make you when you came home hungover and Ma wouldn’t make you breakfast? That’s ‘cause it is, Supersteel,” Ben wisecracks before turning his attention back to the soapy water in front of him, humming tunelessly again. The hum feels like it’s burrowing deeper now, coiling higher into the center of his brain. 

“Where’d you get these mushrooms?” he asks, mouth full.

“Oh, I just got them at that little market in Oldtown, Boss! The one you always say smells like Neptunian cabbage even though they haven’t sold it there in ages, and-” the sound of Rita’s prattling on mixes with the quiet slosh of the dishes. 

“Hey Rita,” Juno calls suddenly, his thoughts catching on a rough spot in his mind, “Do you remember the day that Ramses gave me-”

“What was that, dear?” Nureyev calls, pausing his humming and dishwashing for a moment.

“Oh, I was just-” Juno shakes his head as his thoughts go static and foggy again, “Nevermind, I don’t remember. Hey, can you get me the salt?”

Ben hand him the salt and slides into the chair next to him.

“Here you go, Juno. Are you feeling alright?” he asks worriedly, feeling Juno’s forehead with hands still slightly wet from the dishes, “You’re looking a little flushed.”

“I’m fine,” Juno snaps, pushing Ben’s hands off, “I just didn’t sleep well, I guess.”

“Oh no! Boss, that ain’t good for ya,” Rita pipes, retracting the hand that she’d been feeling Juno’s forehead with, “I was watching this stream the other day where the main character was having trouble sleepin’ because they kept havin’ bad dreams, see? And  _ then _ it turned out that the dreams were just mixed up memories because the year before they’d been under MIND CONTROL for six months!!”

“Rita, I have a headache, could you...could you not...” Juno trails off, staring intently at his plate. “This...this isn’t real, is it.”

“What are you talkin’ about, Boss? Of COURSE it’s real, ‘cause I’m here, ain’t I? It’s good old RITA at your service!”

“But you’re not- Rita, that market in Oldtown closed down months ago, before the THEIAbots rebuilt-”

“Juno, what on earth are you talking about?” Nureyev interrupts, “Oldtown is fine, I was there this morning picking up a package from that friend of yours!”

“Wait, Nureyev, why are you here?” Juno looks up from the plate suddenly and stares at Nureyev, but his eyes won’t focus and everything seems blurry. “I  _ left _ you, and you didn’t stay, so why are you here?”

“Why, Juno, I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“You asked me to run away with you, and-”

He’s interrupted again by a laugh.

“ _ I _ asked you to run away with me, Supersteel? I thought you were the one who wanted me to leave with you! That’s why I moved in with you, isn’t it?”

“I was just worried, Ma’s been so unstable lately, and...you....”

“What is it, Supersteel?” Juno’s eyes focus long enough that he can see Ben clearly now, grinning at him in the impossibly young face.

“Ben, you shouldn’t be here.”

“What? I paid rent this month, didn’t I?” he jokes, grin spreading.

“No, you  _ shouldn’t be here _ . Ben, you-” Juno swallowed, feeling his eyes (no,  _ eye _ ) start to burn with the promise of tears, “Benzaiten, you died. Almost twenty years ago,  _ you died _ , so why are you here?”

_ Ben’s smile gets small and sad and soft and he opens his mouth to answer, but whatever he says next is lost as the static inside Juno’s head grows to a crescendo. The lights in the kitchen seem impossibly bright and he closes his eye against them, bending over and clutching his head as the headache gets suddenly much sharper.  _

Juno wakes up gasping. The sheets of the bed he’s been laying in are soaked and sticking to his sweaty skin, and his head is  _ aching _ . He looks around wildly at the unfamiliar surroundings, uncertain if this is just one more dream. He runs to the door and throws it open, anxious to find out where he is. He sees a poster for a stream series that had ended ten years ago hung on the wall across from him and remembers.

He’s been staying with Rita since the THEIA. Neither of them really wanted to be alone, not after everything that happened, and they’ve been visiting Mick in the hospital, too, in between the search for answers that has occupied them for months. Juno collapses back onto the bed, holding his head in his hands.

Rita must have heard him, because she’s there knocking on the door in a matter of moments.

“You okay, Mistah Steel?” 

“...not really.” 

“Can I come in?” 

“Yeah.”   
They sit in quiet comfort for a while, Rita rubbing his back soothingly while he sits with his head in his hands until his breathing slows and becomes normal again.   
“Do you wanna talk about it?” 

“Not really.” 

“Okay.” 

They sit in silence for a little while longer before Rita breaks it again.

“It looks like neither of us are gonna be sleepin’ again for a while, huh Boss.” 

Juno laughs softly. 

“Yeah, probably not.” 

“You wanna watch a stream and eat ice cream with me?”   
His voice and face soften at that and he smiles at her. 

“Yeah, Rita, I think I do.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I hope you liked it!! I'm a little uncertain about some of the memory stuff, especially towards the end, but I think it turned out all right.
> 
> Comments/kudos are always welcome and appreciated, and thank you for reading!


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